Lists

Something that gives me a feeling of accomplishment is to write out a long list of tasks, then cross each one off as they are completed.

I'm a list writer partly out of vanity, but mostly out of necessity.  A lot of people also need to write list of priorities to take care of, reminders, how-to's, routines, schedules, grocery lists.  It is difficult for me to think about what I need to do next unless I had previously taken time to organize my thoughts in the form of a list.  Writing lists saves time because I won't have to sit and wonder what else needs to be done, now that I'm done doing what I was doing.  Just look at the list, and be glad that the next hour will be purposeful.

Without practicing this very important skill, my life would be much less disciplined.  I would probably waif through the day, and thereby life, without accomplishing much.  I'd forget to do important things that most people don't need to be reminded of, such as depositing checks or showering.  My life, with the assistance of lists, is much more productive and reliable.

Closely related to my simpleminded need for prompts and reminders is that giddy feeling of self-congratulation on those rare days when Everything on the list gets crossed off.  Those are the days when I leave the list out on the dining table, in all it's glory, to be seen by myself, visitors, and especially Ryan.  I am so proud to present him with the evidence of my efforts on those days, as if coming home to a clean house and a clean Reanna aren't enough real evidence.

I don't think I'm suffering from trying to earn his approval or affection as much as I want him to share my pride and joy of success.  Admittedly, I am simpleminded when it comes to certain things, so there's a chance I might be fooling myself.

I am thankful though, that the list is my tool, and not my master.  I don't feel bound to it, though it is nice to justify relaxing or having fun if most of the daily list has been crossed off.

When Ryan and I were dating, my roommate Kara asked him to help me figure out what to do with myself. His suggestion was something like, "Maybe she can write a little list to help her stay focused." In turn, her response was like, "No, you don't understand. All she does is write lists. Help her figure out what to DO!"  I'm pretty good at making to-do lists, but having vision is a weakness of mine.

I feel okay with knowing that my part in life is to be a good supporter for vision casters.  I take wind of vision and do whatever I can to make it happen by handling and crossing off the details.