Someday I'll start something I might finish

Between the gluten free pretzels and pinch cup of Nutela in front of me, I'm trying to find the will to write something.

I'm starting over with trying to write a blog.  The original "Keep In Touch" part 1 fizzled out a few years ago, so now I will try a new start with a less original part 2.  Once again I've given in to the notion that I'd like to be a writer.  Someone who can say stuff that other's think is important or interesting, or entertaining, or inspiring.  But still stay at a safe distance if people think that what I said is stupid.

The ideas are there, but effort + motivation is a tricky thing to come by.  For me, at least.  I keep a to-do list on most days, and find a sense of satisfaction by crossing out tasks I've accomplished.  But I'm still too embarrassed to put "blog" on it.  Partly because I don't like the word, but haven't come up with a more pleasing alternative, and mostly because I don't want to face the shame of not scraping together 30 minutes to externally process an idea in writing, though I regularly waste more than that with my cell phone game.

I'd like to think that I could write short stories or memoires of my own, and those of others.  I also think I could write commentaries on observations of life and experiences.  Some day I'll figure out how to use the semi-fancy camera we just got, and show real life images of what I'm talking about.

So it leads me to wonder why do people blog?  Why do I want to do it?  Some are experts in their fields and have a lot to enlighten us with, for example mommies, world travelers, and crafty people.  Some people are really gifted entertainers who humor us with their stories and cartoons.  I figure for most people, though, having a blog is kind of like a public diary/soapbox where they can say what they want to say and hope someone else out there thinks that it matters.  That's why I want to write.  I don't know for sure if what I have to say matters, but I want to matter.  And I want to matter to myself, which in part is achieved just by having a blog and being consistent with it.

There are a few things here and there that I feel kind of proud of, but nothing super creative.  I don't make fancy cakes and cupcakes like my sister, or paint, or crochet, or scrapbook like my friends do.  This is the creative thing that I want to do, that matters to me.